So, here we are in June and so much has changed.
I no longer work at the green logoed supermarket. I applied for and got a job which could have eventually led me to my dream job of HCA. Healthcare Domestic in one of the local hospitals. I passed all the steps with flying colours - references, medical, criminal records checks.
I got a start date, handed in my notice and looked forwards to the next chapter with great enthusiasm.
The first couple of days were just induction info - things like Health and Safety, confidentiality and filling in endless forms. Then came the actual training on an empty ward. Learning all the various procedures and whatnots. Relatively simple really. Had a couple of mornings on a ward with a 'buddy' just to put it all into context. That was all ok.
Then came the allocation of my own ward. I was just dropped right in the deep end and left to manage on my own. The cleaning wasn't really the problem. That would have all fallen into place in time as I found my own routine. The problem I had was emotional.
I'm not stupid, I knew that as it was a hospital there would be some very poorly people in there. But it was the particular ward I was given - the Stroke Rehabilitation ward- and I was emotionally unprepared for what I saw. It instantly brought up feelings that I thought I had dealt with about my Mum, Dad and other family members. I made it through the day somehow (along with a few panic attacks) and got home. As soon as I got in the door, I burst into tears and didn't stop crying till next morning. I had no sleep whatsoever that night, trying to work out what I was going to do. I eventually came to the decision that it was not the place for me. I did not make that decision lightly as I had left a job to do this but still I stood by my decision.
I went in that morning to tell them of my decision. They were surprisingly fine about it and accepted my resignation.
I am not looking at his as a failure but as a learning experience. I am not going to rush into just any job. I am going to use this time to discover what I really want to do with my life and work out where my strengths are and then use them.
