Happy New Year !

Yes, I know it is the middle of January but it is my first post of the year.

We had a fab Crimbletide with Son-of-mine, his partner and my lovely monster of a grand-daughter coming round to us. Lots of good food, a little drinkies and lots of fun and laughter. All of us together - and not a fall out to be had! Has to be some sort of miracle...


The thing is, this isn't the post I intended to write. I have some pics to put up sorta showing the process of my rug making. From the whole garment, to strips then to clippings in their box and then showing a finished rug. But I got a new phone for crimbo and the Blogger app reliably informs me that it cannot find the pics I know I took this afternoon and can see in my gallery!

So I cannot upload them. Bugger!

What I can still explain to you is how long these proddy rugs actually take to make. From starting with the jacket or blanket, then stripping it down to its pieces and cutting all the hems off to cutting those bits into thin strips about 1/2 an inch wide and snipping the strips into 3 inch long pieces and boxing them up. Then you do that all again for each colour you need ( one coat can take upwards of 5 hours to deconstruct). Then you have to design and draw a pattern on the hessian and start prodding.

Each rug takes an average of 2 - 3 months to make.

And then folks grumble about the price! I charge between £40 and £80 for a handmade unique item. For the work that goes into one, I don't really think that is a lot, is it?

WARNING - CLEAN UP IN PROGRESS!

Well, I have made a start on the mess that surrounds me.

It is one and a bit weeks till Crimbo-tide  and I have made a start.

I spent a full week emptying a shed and greenhouse and dismantling both with the help of son of mine and his partner. I have also made a start in the house and have filled a few large bin bags with crap and sent several boxes and bags to a few of the local charity shops. I realised that I was one bag away from being featured on Hoarders.

I have had to decide whether I get sucked down into that quicksand and drown or scream at the top of my lungs and be rescued. I chose the latter. I do not want those ba*****ds to beat me. The farmer and the neighbours can 'go do one'.

I am being the best person I can be right now.

One of the things that made me get started was the fact that Son of mine, his lovely partner and my granddaughter are all coming over for crimbo-tide day, so I have to clean up so there is room for everyone to sit and play in comfort. It has given me a focus.

I'm not intending to get a spotless house in less than two weeks but I will do my best. I started in our bedroom, which has become the dumping ground for everyones stuff 'don't know where to put it? put it in mums room!'. If I can clear out in there, I can put all the other stuff up there out of the way till January, then take my time and clear through all the boxes and bags. That is next years goal - to get the house as clutter free as I can.

Lets leave it there and see what happens........

Drowning

I am not sure where I am at the moment.

I feel like I am drowning in life and belongings. I have always been someone who is a bit sentimental with the past and the memories associated with 'stuff' and have always been just that couple of steps below being classified as a Hoarder. Things have always had a home and I have been able to keep it reasonably under control.

But not any more. This year has been a bad one for me. Ill health, major surgery and having to give up work has led to my Depression making a come-back big style. Add to that problems with one of the neighbours and a local farmer meant that we have a lot less money and we have lost our Allotment patch.

This may not seem much compered to problems in the rest of the world but to me, what has been happening to me is in my world and affects me every day.

So far this year, I have managed to keep the depression mostly under control but this last week, it has started to escape from its box and creep into my head and wrap itself around my legs. I don't have the black dog anymore - even he deemed me too dangerous to be around. He saw the tide coming in and knew that my feet were stuck in the quicksand. And now that tide is slowly rising up to my chest and starting to suffocate me and the more I struggle, the faster I sink down.

I have so much stuff that I don't know where to start - so I don't bother.

You never know whats round the corner.....

It has been a funny old couple of months. Life never seems to go as you plan - at least mine doesn't seem to. I got invited to take a stall at a brand new Craft and Vintage market that has started up in the local town and I accepted. It's always best to get in when something is new and you can grow along with the market. I started to prep a few new items then get diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome - so crafting has to be put to one side and I make do with what I have (which is rather a lot!)

 

 

 

Also, in the meantime, I am having 'middle aged lady problems'. I won't go into detail as you may be a bit squeamish but suffice to say I am going into hospital next week for major surgery with a recovery time of 6-8 weeks.  My sprog-producing days are over so this is not a problem for me. It is the only way that the Docs can see if there is something there that shouldn't be. That's the thing that scares me as it was ' the C word' that got my mum - in the same area.

The next market is the sunday after I have my surgery. Even though I will be expected to rest, I don't want to miss this market so I am going to try to attend with the help of my wonderful hubby and my able assistant of Daughter of mine the elder. That girl can charm the birds and could sell coal to Newcastle (as the saying goes!)

 

I am realising that life is far too short and you never know what is round the next corner, so I am taking life by the short and curlies and doing what makes me happy - spending time with family and crafting.

 

 

 

Finding my way

So, here we are in June and so much has changed.

I no longer work at the green logoed supermarket. I applied for and got a job which could have eventually led me to my dream job of HCA. Healthcare Domestic in one of the local hospitals. I passed all the steps with flying colours - references, medical, criminal records checks.

I got a start date, handed in my notice and looked forwards to the next chapter with great enthusiasm.

The first couple of days were just induction info - things like Health and Safety, confidentiality and filling in endless forms. Then came the actual training on an empty ward. Learning all the various procedures and whatnots. Relatively simple really. Had a couple of mornings on a ward with a 'buddy' just to put it all into context. That was all ok.

Then came the allocation of my own ward. I was just dropped right in the deep end and left to manage on my own. The cleaning wasn't really the problem. That would have all fallen into place in time as I found my own routine. The problem I had was emotional.

 I'm not stupid, I knew that as it was a hospital there would be some very poorly people in there. But it was the particular ward I was given - the Stroke Rehabilitation ward- and I was emotionally unprepared for what I saw. It instantly brought up feelings that I thought I had dealt with about my Mum, Dad and other family members. I made it through the day somehow (along with a few panic attacks) and got home. As soon as I got in the door, I burst into tears and didn't stop crying till next morning. I had no sleep whatsoever that night, trying to work out what I was going to do. I eventually came to the decision that it was not the place for me. I did not make that decision lightly as I had left a job to do this but still I stood by my decision.

I went in that morning to tell them of my decision. They were surprisingly fine about it and accepted my resignation.


I am not looking at his as a failure but as a learning experience. I am not going to rush into just any job. I am going to use this time to discover what I really want to do with my life and work out where my strengths are and then use them.

Decisions, decisions

Things are having to change.

Winter is here and Christmas is nearly upon us. It is time to take stock and decide which way to go now.

I have stopped the school job as I can get a lot more hours at the supermarket. It was a hard decision to make as I will miss some of the kids a lot. I've watched some of them grow from little, tiny scraps to confident individuals and hope that I have had a small part in them blossoming. On the other hand, some of the staff made the decision very easy.

As for the shop, it is definitely a non starter. My potential partner really wasn't fully committed to the idea and the one shop we could possibly afford was going to be a big problem. The lady we would be renting off didn't seem too bothered about getting her property agent to call me and would not give me their number. So, it really wasn't worth the hassle and stress!

Last week I was invited for a chat at the same Artists Studio that I went to once before. This time they did seem to like some of my work (the mixed media and the jewellery) but were very 'sniffy' about the rest. Crochet and patchwork just doesn't seem to class as anything like art. But they did kindly give me some constructive criticism. I do intend to narrow down from all the different things I do and have a good clear out.

So, most of the fabric is going and a lot of the wool (except for things I can use in the mixed media) and concentrate on the art and jewellery. They did suggest that I try to step outside my comfort zone and try to expand on some of the ideas I have and to explore them fully before moving on to something else.


I don't think I really stand a chance of getting a space there as they have other people to see and I'm assuming that he others have some sort of formal training and I am self taught. They will let me know sometime after Christmas so we will just have to wait and see! If I don't get in this time, I will just have to keep improving and do better next time.

Keeping confident and fingers crossed!!

New Start?

Things have been rather hectic round here. I have started another job. I still have the school job as well so I have been a bit exhausted! I am  Janitor at a local supermarket. (Four letters, starts with 'A' and has a green logo - you know the one!)

So, working two jobs and still trying to keep things organised at home is testing my sanity a little.The kids are doing little bits to help - but only when I get a little frazzled and grotty! The new job is hard work, always on the go, but I am enjoying it. I've been there about two months now and I think I'm getting the hang of it. Still lots to learn - it's not the brainless job that most people will assume it to be.


I am still finding time to make things and have learned to follow a proper crochet pattern and have managed to spend time in the studio as well.

I need to get my stock built back up as I may possibly have found a friend to share the shop with. She is a fellow crafter and has a small business that she runs from home and has had the same idea as me. She wanted a shop to sell direct but couldn't afford it on her own. So we thought about teaming up and sharing the costs. She has many other plans and we will have to sit down and put it all down on paper to see if it will work out for us.  Fingers crossed !!!!!!

So, I will really have to pull my finger out and actually get something done instead of 'researching ideas' on Pinterest and complaining that my studio is too small to work in!!



Back soon xx

Sunny days and whatnots

The past few days have been good ones.

We had a grand day out as a family the other day. In the SUNSHINE!!! It was lovely to be able to sit outside in the warmth and have a picnic. We went to Gawthorpe Hall near Padiham (that's in Lancashire for those that don't know). It is a house that was built in the 1600's and houses the Kay-Shuttleworth Textile collection. The embroideries that they had on show were fabulous. Go here to find out more -

Gawthorpe Textile Collection 


I got the idea to go there the day before when me and the kids were out with my friend and her daughter at the local museum which has had a makeover recently. It now has a café so it is much more interesting to visit!! as it was the Easter hols, there were activities for the kids to do but sadly we got there too late to book in for them so the kids just had a run around in the fresh air while my mate and me had coffee, cake and a good natter. She told me about Gawthorpe Hall and the Textiles as she used to live just around the corner from it.

And my weekend of exploring didn't stop there.The same friend sent me a text last night asking if I would like to escape for the afternoon today.  Of course I said YES!! So me, her and another friend escaped from kids and husbands and went off to a craft exhibition in Higham (near Padiham too - see, you get a geography lesson too!). More coffee and cake and more nattering. We all work with primary children in some capacity so we had plenty to talk about. The exhibition was in the local primary school so we compared the things they had that ours schools didn't and came away with ideas.

I also came away with ideas of things I can make There were some lovely things available to buy from some very talented makers. Glass, Cosmetics and skin care, baby knits, jewellery and paintings to mention just a few......

A couple of days out from the usual routine can do wonders for the soul. it may not have been time away from everything but it has been enough to recharge the batteries and relax a bit before starting all over again. Back to the normal routine on Tuesday!!

They're back.......

Well, the shop idea didn't happen. The proposed rent was raised when the Letting Agent got involved, and it really would have been silly to go ahead when I couldn't be sure I would take enough to cover it.

To be honest, I don't think my heart was fully in it. The dreaded Big Black Clouds have returned and everything just seems to be a huge effort. So, trying to start a business was a bad idea when I struggle to muster up the energy to get out of bed some days.

People will probably look at me and think that I'm fine but I've just got better at hiding it. As soon as I step out of the door, my ' Happy Mask' goes on. I go to work each day and no-one is any the wiser about how I feel.

Depression is something that I have suffered from for the last 17 years and most folks don't realise just how disabling it can be. The impact it can have on your self esteem and confidence is not nice. And just for the record, telling someone with Depression to ' pull themselves together' is not even the littlest bit helpful!

Utter Madness!

I think I must be going a little potty. I have been to view a local empty shop today.

 It has everything I'm looking for in a place to make and sell my things. My (shed) studio is too small and cold to want to spend any length of time in. It will cost me more than at the moment obviously, but it will allow me to have the room to grow.

People will be able to see the things I make if they get displayed in the window and that will let them think about buying items at a time that suits them, not just when I happen to be at a craft fair. They would be able to save and come back later.

There is nothing else like 'My' shop in the local area so my hope is that it will get noticed.

It will be a struggle at first, financially, but I hope to get at least some money back. If I can break even each week at first, I will be happy.

I have to work out all the figures first and Husband-of-mine is behind me 100%  Online promotion will still be important to get the word out there about my creations so I must keep up with my Facebook page and this blog.

I have felt for a while that I am capable of much, much more and that I have been letting life pass me by.

 I have realised that life is too short for 'what if's'.

More sadness......

As usual, about 6 months has gone by since I last posted here.(I would have been here sooner but blogger has been a pain!) And what a 6 months it's been.

Sadly, I have lost another close family member to the dreaded Cancer. My Auntie died in February after she had been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. It was rather sudden really. She had all the symptoms last year when we were moving my Dad down here to us, but she thought it was just the stress of my Dad being ill. It never got better so she finally got herself to the doctors. She had one treatment of chemo, had a really bad reaction to it, and ended up in Hospital. She never came out.


My Auntie was a pain in the bum sometimes but she was always there for me - no matter what. We did sometimes have our disagreements but I loved her dearly. She was my substitute mum. When the rest of the family had a falling out (as often happened!)we always seemed to stick together and look after each other. I was always taken on holiday with them, me and her had some good day trips out too. The best trip we had was to London. She wanted to go to see the Horse of the year show and wanted company so she paid for me to go with her - and it was one of the best weekends away that I've ever had. We had so much fun!

I will miss her so much.

Sad news

Over the last couple of weeks, I have come here several times, logged in, and just stared at the screen. I have not really known what to write or how to start.

On the 14th of October my wonderful Dad passed away peacefully at his home with me there holding his hand. It is not something that I can put into words, how I felt in that moment - apart from it being a strange mixture of extreme sadness mixed with relief that his suffering was over.

Things moved on pretty quickly after that. Thankfully, the District Nurse had not long been in for her evening visit so she took over organising the GP to come to confirm the death and get all the paperwork I needed to register things so I could start to organise the  funeral.

I had to keep myself very focused to be able to get things done. It may sound hard and heartless but I could not allow myself to get upset or else I wouldn't have been able to get myself  or my kids through the couple of weeks that followed. I had to be able to keep going to be able to pack up and empty his flat. If it hadn't been for my wonderful, supportive Hubby, I wouldn't have been able to cope at all.

Three and a half weeks later, I am still finding things difficult. But, having three kids and a job mean that I have to just carry on and get back to 'normal life', whatever that is. There are still boxes of my Dads stuff sitting in the Living Room and kitchen. Boxes of photos sitting on the stairs, Bags of bedding sitting in the bedroom. But I just don't have the mental energy to start unpacking the things that I had to pack up just a couple of weeks ago and had not long before had to pack and unpack again after his move here.

Post is still coming in for him, and bills are getting paid. He squirrelled away some money to be able to pay for his funeral and his final bills. He had made sure I knew that money was there so that he left no financial burdens for me. That I thank him for. He looked after me for all my life and he made sure he left me no extra worries as to paying for things after he died.

I'm sure that things will get easier as time goes on but, as with my Mum, the good memories will always be there to help me get through the bad days.

Moving Done!!

What a week it has been!  I am exhausted and covered in bruises!

We finally got my Dad packed and moved! It was a really busy, hard weekend. It started off being orderly and organised but then my Aunt (who, by the way, has NEVER packed for a house move before)  started to help. She was doing her best and after all, we couldn't have done it all on our own, but it was just the way that things were getting thrown into random boxes. I do love my Aunt to pieces,just to let you know! The past few months,I couldnt have managed without her as she has been the one that sorted things for my Dad when he was in hospital and got things organised for when he came out. I now have the task of finding the neccesary simple everyday things - like his clothes!!

We have most boxes unpacked and the contents found a home. Some things have to be sorted out as he has no need for them anymore - he has an excess of pots, pans, double sheets and duvets. so that is next weeks job. We still have tons of stuff in our living room too. Bags and boxes of stuff to be taken to the charity shop, and that is a job we can get done this weekend.


The shed/studio is in pieces at the back of our house, waiting to be put up this weekend. Then it needs some insulation getting and putting in and then boarding out with some free plastic hoarding we can get from a factory down the road. It should all make it nice and cosy for winter working. Then finding some offcuts of carpet from somewhere and then put my bits of furniture and as much of my craft stuff as possible in there and I am ready to go.  Yay!!


It may seem shallow to some that I am so concerned about getting my studio up and running but to me, having that shed is the difference between going utterly insane and having a complete meltdown  or keeping myself on an even keel and being able to deal with everything else that life happens to want to throw at me. Somewhere I can chill, relax and get back to being me.


Hopefully, I can get some crafting done soon as I have applied to be part of a Christmas craft fayre in a local town as well as the christmas fayre that my mum-in-law has asked me to do. I have tons of ideas but no time to make anything.

Watch this space - I will keep you posted xx

Dad

As usual, it has been a few months since I was last here!

I have been having trouble getting in the crafting groove really. Horrid family news. My wonderful Dad is very ill. Not that you would know now, to look at him. He has just come out of hospital, after spending 6/7 weeks in there. Sadly he has been diagnosed with Cancer. He is not strong enough to have any kind of treatment, it is only palliative care from now. His consultant has told me that he may only have a couple of months left, and we don't know if he knows this himself. so we are trying to spend as much time with him as we can.

He can be a stubborn swine at times, so we have to try hard to make sure he takes better care of himself than he did before and that he eats better and stays off the beer - oh, and takes his flamin' medication at the right time, not just when he feels like taking it!

so with all this trekking up and down the motorway every weekend, i have had to find something reasonably portable to carry with me in the car. So, I decided to have a root around my stash of cross stitch kits (I could start my own shop, really I could!). And I found one that had already been started - for the Queens Golden Jubilee! TEN YEARS AGO!

Oh, the shame!

I started it when I was pregnant with our girls and needed to be off my feet a lot. When I started it again, I remembered why I must have thrown it in the back of the pile. It took me over 3 hours the other night to do a bit that was just about 2 inches square. There are so many colour changes and complicated lines and back stitch, that I have to stop after stitching after half an hour and rest my poor tiny brain cell!

I may get it finished by the time we get to the next coronation!

I'm going now, it's time to ring my Dad, to check that he has been behaving himself since last night and that he hasn't sworn at the carers..........

Been a long time!!

It has been rather a long time since i was here. I just seem to have been so busy with so many other things. Not all crafty things - real life has tended to get in the way a bit.

So, here we are, on New Years Eve, 2010. Next year I hope to actually find out who I am. I have got to the age of 40 and i still havn't discovered the ' real me'. And its not for the lack of trying either!

I have started Art Journalling this year in an effort to help me discover who i actually am underneath the surface. I will put up some pics sometime soon. I have found many blogs relating to art Journalling and have found them to be very inspirational and helpful. I have found a few courses to follow, but I can only afford to use the free ones as the lack of money in this household is astounding...

Saying that, I did get a sparkling, brand spanking new, shiny Lap Top for my birthday pressie! It was from all the family combined. It has a web cam thingy, so I can take a few pics of my art and crafty things and add them to my blog easier than useing a camera and having to faff about with cables and things!! This will open up a whole new part of the internet for me!

So i hope to be here a bit more often, now I have remembered my password(whoops!) and the fact that I had a blog at all.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all, in advance and hope its a good one for all xx