WARNING - CLEAN UP IN PROGRESS!

Well, I have made a start on the mess that surrounds me.

It is one and a bit weeks till Crimbo-tide  and I have made a start.

I spent a full week emptying a shed and greenhouse and dismantling both with the help of son of mine and his partner. I have also made a start in the house and have filled a few large bin bags with crap and sent several boxes and bags to a few of the local charity shops. I realised that I was one bag away from being featured on Hoarders.

I have had to decide whether I get sucked down into that quicksand and drown or scream at the top of my lungs and be rescued. I chose the latter. I do not want those ba*****ds to beat me. The farmer and the neighbours can 'go do one'.

I am being the best person I can be right now.

One of the things that made me get started was the fact that Son of mine, his lovely partner and my granddaughter are all coming over for crimbo-tide day, so I have to clean up so there is room for everyone to sit and play in comfort. It has given me a focus.

I'm not intending to get a spotless house in less than two weeks but I will do my best. I started in our bedroom, which has become the dumping ground for everyones stuff 'don't know where to put it? put it in mums room!'. If I can clear out in there, I can put all the other stuff up there out of the way till January, then take my time and clear through all the boxes and bags. That is next years goal - to get the house as clutter free as I can.

Lets leave it there and see what happens........

Drowning

I am not sure where I am at the moment.

I feel like I am drowning in life and belongings. I have always been someone who is a bit sentimental with the past and the memories associated with 'stuff' and have always been just that couple of steps below being classified as a Hoarder. Things have always had a home and I have been able to keep it reasonably under control.

But not any more. This year has been a bad one for me. Ill health, major surgery and having to give up work has led to my Depression making a come-back big style. Add to that problems with one of the neighbours and a local farmer meant that we have a lot less money and we have lost our Allotment patch.

This may not seem much compered to problems in the rest of the world but to me, what has been happening to me is in my world and affects me every day.

So far this year, I have managed to keep the depression mostly under control but this last week, it has started to escape from its box and creep into my head and wrap itself around my legs. I don't have the black dog anymore - even he deemed me too dangerous to be around. He saw the tide coming in and knew that my feet were stuck in the quicksand. And now that tide is slowly rising up to my chest and starting to suffocate me and the more I struggle, the faster I sink down.

I have so much stuff that I don't know where to start - so I don't bother.

Sunny days and whatnots

The past few days have been good ones.

We had a grand day out as a family the other day. In the SUNSHINE!!! It was lovely to be able to sit outside in the warmth and have a picnic. We went to Gawthorpe Hall near Padiham (that's in Lancashire for those that don't know). It is a house that was built in the 1600's and houses the Kay-Shuttleworth Textile collection. The embroideries that they had on show were fabulous. Go here to find out more -

Gawthorpe Textile Collection 


I got the idea to go there the day before when me and the kids were out with my friend and her daughter at the local museum which has had a makeover recently. It now has a café so it is much more interesting to visit!! as it was the Easter hols, there were activities for the kids to do but sadly we got there too late to book in for them so the kids just had a run around in the fresh air while my mate and me had coffee, cake and a good natter. She told me about Gawthorpe Hall and the Textiles as she used to live just around the corner from it.

And my weekend of exploring didn't stop there.The same friend sent me a text last night asking if I would like to escape for the afternoon today.  Of course I said YES!! So me, her and another friend escaped from kids and husbands and went off to a craft exhibition in Higham (near Padiham too - see, you get a geography lesson too!). More coffee and cake and more nattering. We all work with primary children in some capacity so we had plenty to talk about. The exhibition was in the local primary school so we compared the things they had that ours schools didn't and came away with ideas.

I also came away with ideas of things I can make There were some lovely things available to buy from some very talented makers. Glass, Cosmetics and skin care, baby knits, jewellery and paintings to mention just a few......

A couple of days out from the usual routine can do wonders for the soul. it may not have been time away from everything but it has been enough to recharge the batteries and relax a bit before starting all over again. Back to the normal routine on Tuesday!!

They're back.......

Well, the shop idea didn't happen. The proposed rent was raised when the Letting Agent got involved, and it really would have been silly to go ahead when I couldn't be sure I would take enough to cover it.

To be honest, I don't think my heart was fully in it. The dreaded Big Black Clouds have returned and everything just seems to be a huge effort. So, trying to start a business was a bad idea when I struggle to muster up the energy to get out of bed some days.

People will probably look at me and think that I'm fine but I've just got better at hiding it. As soon as I step out of the door, my ' Happy Mask' goes on. I go to work each day and no-one is any the wiser about how I feel.

Depression is something that I have suffered from for the last 17 years and most folks don't realise just how disabling it can be. The impact it can have on your self esteem and confidence is not nice. And just for the record, telling someone with Depression to ' pull themselves together' is not even the littlest bit helpful!