Finding my way

So, here we are in June and so much has changed.

I no longer work at the green logoed supermarket. I applied for and got a job which could have eventually led me to my dream job of HCA. Healthcare Domestic in one of the local hospitals. I passed all the steps with flying colours - references, medical, criminal records checks.

I got a start date, handed in my notice and looked forwards to the next chapter with great enthusiasm.

The first couple of days were just induction info - things like Health and Safety, confidentiality and filling in endless forms. Then came the actual training on an empty ward. Learning all the various procedures and whatnots. Relatively simple really. Had a couple of mornings on a ward with a 'buddy' just to put it all into context. That was all ok.

Then came the allocation of my own ward. I was just dropped right in the deep end and left to manage on my own. The cleaning wasn't really the problem. That would have all fallen into place in time as I found my own routine. The problem I had was emotional.

 I'm not stupid, I knew that as it was a hospital there would be some very poorly people in there. But it was the particular ward I was given - the Stroke Rehabilitation ward- and I was emotionally unprepared for what I saw. It instantly brought up feelings that I thought I had dealt with about my Mum, Dad and other family members. I made it through the day somehow (along with a few panic attacks) and got home. As soon as I got in the door, I burst into tears and didn't stop crying till next morning. I had no sleep whatsoever that night, trying to work out what I was going to do. I eventually came to the decision that it was not the place for me. I did not make that decision lightly as I had left a job to do this but still I stood by my decision.

I went in that morning to tell them of my decision. They were surprisingly fine about it and accepted my resignation.


I am not looking at his as a failure but as a learning experience. I am not going to rush into just any job. I am going to use this time to discover what I really want to do with my life and work out where my strengths are and then use them.

One step.........

Christmas has come and gone and here we are in the second month of the New year already.

Christmas was a quiet one - I was working for most of it and even on New years day!

As I expected, someone from the Artists Studios e-mailed me a couple of weeks ago to let me know that they had given the space to someone else. It would already have been decided before they saw me and the other candidates who was getting the space. The rest of us just made the process seem fairer! Sorry if you see that as a rather pessimistic view, but that's how I'm feeling right now.

I am unsure of where I want to go at the moment. Art and 'making things' is going nowhere. I can't even get into my little studio because it has been far too cold to sit in there for any time at all even with the heating on and for the last week and a half, I have been snowed out of it anyway - not even able to get in to get any wool out.

Since November I decided that I was going to try to do a job that I have wanted to do for a while now. I want to become a Healthcare Assistant. Used to be called Auxiliary Nurse. But I can't do that job unless I have six months recent experience as a carer( 14 years ago isn't recent enough) but I am unable to get a carers job as I have no NVQs. And I can't get any NVQs unless I am employed! So what do I do now?

At the moment it just feels like one step forwards and ten back...........

Decisions, decisions

Things are having to change.

Winter is here and Christmas is nearly upon us. It is time to take stock and decide which way to go now.

I have stopped the school job as I can get a lot more hours at the supermarket. It was a hard decision to make as I will miss some of the kids a lot. I've watched some of them grow from little, tiny scraps to confident individuals and hope that I have had a small part in them blossoming. On the other hand, some of the staff made the decision very easy.

As for the shop, it is definitely a non starter. My potential partner really wasn't fully committed to the idea and the one shop we could possibly afford was going to be a big problem. The lady we would be renting off didn't seem too bothered about getting her property agent to call me and would not give me their number. So, it really wasn't worth the hassle and stress!

Last week I was invited for a chat at the same Artists Studio that I went to once before. This time they did seem to like some of my work (the mixed media and the jewellery) but were very 'sniffy' about the rest. Crochet and patchwork just doesn't seem to class as anything like art. But they did kindly give me some constructive criticism. I do intend to narrow down from all the different things I do and have a good clear out.

So, most of the fabric is going and a lot of the wool (except for things I can use in the mixed media) and concentrate on the art and jewellery. They did suggest that I try to step outside my comfort zone and try to expand on some of the ideas I have and to explore them fully before moving on to something else.


I don't think I really stand a chance of getting a space there as they have other people to see and I'm assuming that he others have some sort of formal training and I am self taught. They will let me know sometime after Christmas so we will just have to wait and see! If I don't get in this time, I will just have to keep improving and do better next time.

Keeping confident and fingers crossed!!

New Start?

Things have been rather hectic round here. I have started another job. I still have the school job as well so I have been a bit exhausted! I am  Janitor at a local supermarket. (Four letters, starts with 'A' and has a green logo - you know the one!)

So, working two jobs and still trying to keep things organised at home is testing my sanity a little.The kids are doing little bits to help - but only when I get a little frazzled and grotty! The new job is hard work, always on the go, but I am enjoying it. I've been there about two months now and I think I'm getting the hang of it. Still lots to learn - it's not the brainless job that most people will assume it to be.


I am still finding time to make things and have learned to follow a proper crochet pattern and have managed to spend time in the studio as well.

I need to get my stock built back up as I may possibly have found a friend to share the shop with. She is a fellow crafter and has a small business that she runs from home and has had the same idea as me. She wanted a shop to sell direct but couldn't afford it on her own. So we thought about teaming up and sharing the costs. She has many other plans and we will have to sit down and put it all down on paper to see if it will work out for us.  Fingers crossed !!!!!!

So, I will really have to pull my finger out and actually get something done instead of 'researching ideas' on Pinterest and complaining that my studio is too small to work in!!



Back soon xx

Sunny days and whatnots

The past few days have been good ones.

We had a grand day out as a family the other day. In the SUNSHINE!!! It was lovely to be able to sit outside in the warmth and have a picnic. We went to Gawthorpe Hall near Padiham (that's in Lancashire for those that don't know). It is a house that was built in the 1600's and houses the Kay-Shuttleworth Textile collection. The embroideries that they had on show were fabulous. Go here to find out more -

Gawthorpe Textile Collection 


I got the idea to go there the day before when me and the kids were out with my friend and her daughter at the local museum which has had a makeover recently. It now has a café so it is much more interesting to visit!! as it was the Easter hols, there were activities for the kids to do but sadly we got there too late to book in for them so the kids just had a run around in the fresh air while my mate and me had coffee, cake and a good natter. She told me about Gawthorpe Hall and the Textiles as she used to live just around the corner from it.

And my weekend of exploring didn't stop there.The same friend sent me a text last night asking if I would like to escape for the afternoon today.  Of course I said YES!! So me, her and another friend escaped from kids and husbands and went off to a craft exhibition in Higham (near Padiham too - see, you get a geography lesson too!). More coffee and cake and more nattering. We all work with primary children in some capacity so we had plenty to talk about. The exhibition was in the local primary school so we compared the things they had that ours schools didn't and came away with ideas.

I also came away with ideas of things I can make There were some lovely things available to buy from some very talented makers. Glass, Cosmetics and skin care, baby knits, jewellery and paintings to mention just a few......

A couple of days out from the usual routine can do wonders for the soul. it may not have been time away from everything but it has been enough to recharge the batteries and relax a bit before starting all over again. Back to the normal routine on Tuesday!!

They're back.......

Well, the shop idea didn't happen. The proposed rent was raised when the Letting Agent got involved, and it really would have been silly to go ahead when I couldn't be sure I would take enough to cover it.

To be honest, I don't think my heart was fully in it. The dreaded Big Black Clouds have returned and everything just seems to be a huge effort. So, trying to start a business was a bad idea when I struggle to muster up the energy to get out of bed some days.

People will probably look at me and think that I'm fine but I've just got better at hiding it. As soon as I step out of the door, my ' Happy Mask' goes on. I go to work each day and no-one is any the wiser about how I feel.

Depression is something that I have suffered from for the last 17 years and most folks don't realise just how disabling it can be. The impact it can have on your self esteem and confidence is not nice. And just for the record, telling someone with Depression to ' pull themselves together' is not even the littlest bit helpful!

Utter Madness!

I think I must be going a little potty. I have been to view a local empty shop today.

 It has everything I'm looking for in a place to make and sell my things. My (shed) studio is too small and cold to want to spend any length of time in. It will cost me more than at the moment obviously, but it will allow me to have the room to grow.

People will be able to see the things I make if they get displayed in the window and that will let them think about buying items at a time that suits them, not just when I happen to be at a craft fair. They would be able to save and come back later.

There is nothing else like 'My' shop in the local area so my hope is that it will get noticed.

It will be a struggle at first, financially, but I hope to get at least some money back. If I can break even each week at first, I will be happy.

I have to work out all the figures first and Husband-of-mine is behind me 100%  Online promotion will still be important to get the word out there about my creations so I must keep up with my Facebook page and this blog.

I have felt for a while that I am capable of much, much more and that I have been letting life pass me by.

 I have realised that life is too short for 'what if's'.