Drowning

I am not sure where I am at the moment.

I feel like I am drowning in life and belongings. I have always been someone who is a bit sentimental with the past and the memories associated with 'stuff' and have always been just that couple of steps below being classified as a Hoarder. Things have always had a home and I have been able to keep it reasonably under control.

But not any more. This year has been a bad one for me. Ill health, major surgery and having to give up work has led to my Depression making a come-back big style. Add to that problems with one of the neighbours and a local farmer meant that we have a lot less money and we have lost our Allotment patch.

This may not seem much compered to problems in the rest of the world but to me, what has been happening to me is in my world and affects me every day.

So far this year, I have managed to keep the depression mostly under control but this last week, it has started to escape from its box and creep into my head and wrap itself around my legs. I don't have the black dog anymore - even he deemed me too dangerous to be around. He saw the tide coming in and knew that my feet were stuck in the quicksand. And now that tide is slowly rising up to my chest and starting to suffocate me and the more I struggle, the faster I sink down.

I have so much stuff that I don't know where to start - so I don't bother.

Taking the plunge......

Well, it has been a while - again!

A lot has changed in the last couple of months though. I have had my op and am recovering well. I have been a (reasonably) good girl and have rested (sorta.....).

I did have a little set back and ended up back in hospital for a few days but that meant that unfortunately I couldn't attend the Clog Market last month.

But I have not been idle - I made Bears! Snuggly, cuddly, huggable Lavender filled bears. And. even if I do say so myself, the are gorgeous! I only stopped making them because I ran out of stuffing.

I did manage to make it to this months market and it was a pretty good one. I actually sold a blanket! I nearly had to sit down with shock! first one I have managed to sell at a fair. And I managed to sell a couple of bears too and a few other bits and bobs. So it was worthwhile this month.

We had just come back from our annual family holibobs in loverly Cornwall and I was shattered, so how I managed to stay awake and polite all day I have no idea but I did.

After spending so long off work and now getting the all clear from the dreaded 'C', I have made the decision to leave the security of my job and follow my dream and run my business and be a 'stay at home mum'. Life is too short to say 'if only'. It may work out or it may not but if I don't give it a try I will never know, will I ?

You never know whats round the corner.....

It has been a funny old couple of months. Life never seems to go as you plan - at least mine doesn't seem to. I got invited to take a stall at a brand new Craft and Vintage market that has started up in the local town and I accepted. It's always best to get in when something is new and you can grow along with the market. I started to prep a few new items then get diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome - so crafting has to be put to one side and I make do with what I have (which is rather a lot!)

 

 

 

Also, in the meantime, I am having 'middle aged lady problems'. I won't go into detail as you may be a bit squeamish but suffice to say I am going into hospital next week for major surgery with a recovery time of 6-8 weeks.  My sprog-producing days are over so this is not a problem for me. It is the only way that the Docs can see if there is something there that shouldn't be. That's the thing that scares me as it was ' the C word' that got my mum - in the same area.

The next market is the sunday after I have my surgery. Even though I will be expected to rest, I don't want to miss this market so I am going to try to attend with the help of my wonderful hubby and my able assistant of Daughter of mine the elder. That girl can charm the birds and could sell coal to Newcastle (as the saying goes!)

 

I am realising that life is far too short and you never know what is round the next corner, so I am taking life by the short and curlies and doing what makes me happy - spending time with family and crafting.

 

 

 

April already?

Well, well, well.

No surprise that it's been a few months since I've been here!

The new job, combined with the Hypothyroidism is taking it's toll. I am exhausted. Hypothyroidism really saps your energy and gives you a very foggy brain. Not a bright idea to agree to do a distance learning course for a work qualification then......

Everything becomes an effort, even getting up in the morning - no matter how many hours sleep you've had. Housework has been forgotten and the kids have had to help out with the cooking and stuff. The place is a mess. And now, on top of that, I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in my left hand. I seem to come across as lazy but I just don't have any energy. I feel so tired I just want to cry.

So, as usual, I have taken on even more! I have been invited to take a stall at a new craft market starting up locally. The lady saw my Facebook page and thought I would be a good fit for what she was looking for. Thankfully I have quite a bit of stock from the pre-Christmas fair I did, so all I have to do are a few more woolfelt notebook covers and sew in the ends of the last few blankets I've done. I also have one proddy rug to finish if I can find some matching fleece to fill in the last little bit and I should be sorted then.

I have a couple of weeks to get it all done, assuming that the builder can get my home studio done. My daughter has graciously allowed me to have half of her bedroom (the attic) and our friendly builder is coming to put up a dividing wall sometime this week. I am rather excited to get an inside studio rather than the draughty, damp shed/studio at the end of the garden!

I really will try to visit more often and bring some pictures of my blankets and new studio.

Craft Fair Shenanigans

It's been a very busy and exciting few weeks.

I decided to take a stall at a local craft fair. It's one that I've done previously and knew it would be a good one. But, when I said I would do it, I only had six weeks to get prepped. It may sound a long time but working part time and caring for the family sometimes doesn't leave you with many hours left in a day.

I had to make quite a bit of stuff and finish off a lot of blankets. I also had to sew business name labels onto all the blankets as well. In all this, I thought it was a great idea to develop a few new products! As if I didn't have enough to do!

The week before, I finally got round to pulling my 'brand' together, and I designed a new logo and price labels for all the things I make and sell. Got the card, all ready to print ........ and find that the card is just that teeny bit too thick to go through our printer! Cue major meltdown at 11.30pm one night.

My wonderful hubby was trying to sort everything for me even though he had things he needed to do. He took the card into work for me and printed them all there x 

I had a meltdown because I was very tired. The week before I had been diagnosed with Hypothyroidism (I will write more on this another time) and also just found another job, so dealing with interviews and all the associated paperwork that goes with a new job and saying I was exhausted was rather an understatement.

Anyway, back to the craft fair.

It happened this weekend and was rather fantastic! I sold well, made a few new contacts and have provisionally booked to do a fair in May with a local charity. At least this time I have a few months notice to get sorted!

Things are changing!

Here we are in September - almost October.

It's getting dark earlier and also getting chilly in the evenings even though we seem to be having an Indian Summer.

I may have been quiet here but things have been developing business wise. After I finished at the hospital, I had a couple of weeks before I found another Job ( back at the school where I started!). In that couple of weeks I popped in to a local craft shop just for a nosey. It had recently had a change of ownership and I wanted to see if there was anything different. The new owner is Ruth and we seemed to have lots in  common. I ended up going down to the shop every day during the school hols and just helping out and having fun and a good laugh.

Things have now progressed to the point that she is moving into a bigger building and I have agreed to take some studio and selling space and help run craft classes.

The shop is called Cloth and Craft and it is in Waterfoot, Lancashire.

One small chance meeting and I get the opportunity to do the thing I have been dreaming of doing for a long time.

Watch this space for more details x

Finding my way

So, here we are in June and so much has changed.

I no longer work at the green logoed supermarket. I applied for and got a job which could have eventually led me to my dream job of HCA. Healthcare Domestic in one of the local hospitals. I passed all the steps with flying colours - references, medical, criminal records checks.

I got a start date, handed in my notice and looked forwards to the next chapter with great enthusiasm.

The first couple of days were just induction info - things like Health and Safety, confidentiality and filling in endless forms. Then came the actual training on an empty ward. Learning all the various procedures and whatnots. Relatively simple really. Had a couple of mornings on a ward with a 'buddy' just to put it all into context. That was all ok.

Then came the allocation of my own ward. I was just dropped right in the deep end and left to manage on my own. The cleaning wasn't really the problem. That would have all fallen into place in time as I found my own routine. The problem I had was emotional.

 I'm not stupid, I knew that as it was a hospital there would be some very poorly people in there. But it was the particular ward I was given - the Stroke Rehabilitation ward- and I was emotionally unprepared for what I saw. It instantly brought up feelings that I thought I had dealt with about my Mum, Dad and other family members. I made it through the day somehow (along with a few panic attacks) and got home. As soon as I got in the door, I burst into tears and didn't stop crying till next morning. I had no sleep whatsoever that night, trying to work out what I was going to do. I eventually came to the decision that it was not the place for me. I did not make that decision lightly as I had left a job to do this but still I stood by my decision.

I went in that morning to tell them of my decision. They were surprisingly fine about it and accepted my resignation.


I am not looking at his as a failure but as a learning experience. I am not going to rush into just any job. I am going to use this time to discover what I really want to do with my life and work out where my strengths are and then use them.